U.nvieled, R.evealed, U.nmasked
Masquerade means a false show or pretense
Dear Lord, Merciful God, My heavenly Hero, Please take my words and thoughts here and use them for your glory. Where there is darkness bring light, where there is pain bring healing. Father if there is anything not from You or lead by Your Spirit in me or the reader correct it and alter it. That they may see you in me. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus in Your Name alone I pray.
I wanted to start with the first verse I ever memorized.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord shall be blessed.
I could have worked to tie it into the masquerade theme. But instead I picked a verse for this year. At the beginning of the year I was doing a Bible study I found mine.
Those who look to him are radiant with joy; their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalms 34:5 NIV
I would have liked to give a title to this calling it my Testimony…But, I have told it before here. I am not ashamed of it or who I am any more. I wish It was an overnight miracle, instant perfection, one day everything was new. That is not the case. It was and is an ongoing renewal, recharging, a transformation. Every day things are chipped away. God has made me and is making me new! Every time I started to write this my thoughts and dreams were filled with visions and nightmares of my past. The counseling I received really taught me a lot… Sometimes Court ordered can turn into a huge blessing, as did the AA meetings too.
Works in progress, we all are, and that won’t end until we see Jesus face to face. BUT there are new testimonies every day, everything isn’t perfect now nor has my life ever really been. God has told me to straighten my crown or tiara, hold my head high and sing “I got a mansion just over the hilltop!” When in my reality I am still working on having a living room.(Right now husband has his office there.) So as they say “fake it til you make it.” My testimony is mine no one else can share it to help other see Christ in them. Only I can do that. God has given you yours. At some point you need to use it no mater what it is about, it speaks to the non believer and they will see Jesus in you.
February marked a full year since I have smoked cigarettes. It has been over two years since I backslide and used drugs one day (funny how I made it a point to end that sentence and say it was only one day, as if it was better one day or a month I still messed up.) I had been clean from drugs since July 2009. I talked with 2 of my sistas in Christ the day I messed up telling them how broken I felt and that I was running away, turning back to a life and a person I no longer knew or even liked. I wear my face no matter how bad it gets or what I do. I tell everyone everything. Things don’t come back to bite me because of it. It has been 5 years since my Pastor came looking for me and picked me up because I was running away. So as you can see it is not overnight and it is not to say I have not fell down a couple times. But I Keep getting up, it works, You get stronger, and it gets easier to stand and not fall. God is still working on me.
I say, I have always ran. I called myself a runner, a runaway. But now being Christian I can’t, I made a covenant with God. I am Christian now, there isn’t room for failure, things should be better. And they are. Just a different better. God is not done, He is a miracle worker, and sometimes that takes time. I am cool with that because He is the Creator of time and everything. Everything comes from Him.
Everything is easier with God and Jesus… Yes it is true! It is great to have a hope and a future. Someone on our side when it feels the world is against us. It’s hard to talk about my past brokenness. It’s nearly impossible to talk about my current brokenness, especially because of the pressure to fit the mold I created in my own head. About how you see me and mostly about me, how i see myself; all the things that go on currently, the past that shaped me, and the future I press on to claim, one day at a time. or as it says in 2Cor.3:18
2 Corinthians 3:5-18 NLT Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, transitory though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that brought condemnation was glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (18) And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord–who is the Spirit–makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
Exodus 34:29-35 When Moses got the tablet, came down his face glowing and had to cover it. He put on the veil to tell the Israelite’s what God had said but when speaking to God he took it off.
My Pastor warns our Church and new believers about how life is not a bed of roses once you accept Christ, The Bible says. “That we will have trials and tribulations John 16:33 but take heart Jesus has overcome the world. Our testimonies should talk of the testing. The struggles are real, the temptations, failures, sorrows, disappointments, these are happening to me and you. sometimes our walk it is not straight and we do not want other to see our reality. If we were perfect we would not need the Lord.
It scares and hurts me that people look to Christians to be perfect as Christ is perfect. We are called to be. But they pick out our imperfections and hold them up as if all Christians are like that. Please I tell anyone reading this look to Christ, look to God’s word not at individuals. We all even the Biblical people who followed Christ were not perfect. It is better to be striving for something great than to never have tried.
C.S. Lewis once said, “Prostitutes are in no danger of finding their present life so satisfactory that they cannot turn to God: the proud, the avaricious (greedy, money hungry), the self-righteous, are in that danger.” One Sundays message my Church Pastor talked of where would you be if not for grace… I was looking at 18 years in prison,… my friend arrested with me got a life sentence,… and he will never be free again. It crushes my heart, and I ask myself why all the time… God’s ways are not our ways, nor His thought our thoughts. Isaiah 55:8. We are finite beings living in 3 or ok some of us maybe 4 dimensions. God is infinite. He see the beginning and the end all from the same place.
I , we need to be trusting in the Lord to use us and our words to help and encourage each other as Christians, as well as those who have yet come to believe. We should not let them feel like they are alone in there problems.
I have been there done that with so many things…
I was Roman Catholic working on becoming a lay minister, I taught Sunday School, 1st penance, and Holy Communion.
At 27 I asked God to show me the real religion, because I questioned my Priest after reading through the Bible.
I studied all the religions out there including being Pagan, and Witchcraft.
Many wonder the reason I can not celebrate Christmas with all the greenery and symbolism’s, I know all to well what they truly mean. I don’t mean like watching videos on youtube learned, or just read about them to learn, I celebrated them with my family, I taught it to my son, and we believed in them. There is no making it right in my head… Kinda like serving grape juice instead of wine at communion…or like saying my rosaries to the virgin Mary, whom I loved! Those are things which I stopped doing because it is not in the Bible. At the time I was practicing it, I was a white witch and used green magic. Which at one time was my true religion… I thought I had found something real. There was no Satan, no Jesus only God and he was pure good and pure evil. Which (no pun intended) I blame for ruining my life. There is a Satan, devils, darkness, we are swimming upstream through this life. But, It started out so innocent almost like just checking it out. Scrying, reading cards, and palm reading. What harm could come of it… my nana did it …she even read tea leaves. My mother forbid me to do it when I was young because she said nana saw my sisters death in tea leaves and never read tea leaves again. But I was a woman on my own with my family now. I started up a metaphysical store at a flea market called sticks and stones, and as winter came the owner of the store let me bring my things in her shop and I could work it out with her… as I got a little deeper into it.
I had my altar with all my saints and burned candles, and incense. I made wands and chalices for myself and others, I wrote and cast spells for good, love, healing and to drive out evil. All the while thinking and saying harm none do as you will. Satan is all up in that. Being a good person does not get you to heaven only Jesus Christ can. Soon I left my son and his father looking for “my freedom.” My son was out most of the time i did not feel needed by him… boy was I wrong. Yes I feel very responsible for what is happening in his life right now because I left him with those beliefs. but i wanted to do what I wanted to do. I went straight from my mom, to my sons father. ahhh freedom… I was a bank teller when I came here in 2001. I had a job lined up at bank of america in Boca raton which fell through last minute. But I found other work and the guy I was with was a drinker and beat me up pretty bad. Two headstrong drunks do not get along for long. I went home to Rhode Island several times beaten badly. But came back to him several times. I wanna say he but it was we… drinking got more and more heavy. We worked out hard and played even harder. Then coming home from a Patriots- Dolphins game I got my Dui in 2005 Figuring anything was better than being with that guy I moved out and got my own place. I had a great place, I started working at Lowes. But I got in a bar fight and it violated my probation. That got me locked up and I had to serve my time in West palm. I lost my apartment, my job, bam…head spinning… give me a cigarette, a drink and now what…
Homeless, drugs and drinking were my escape, I became an addict, Banging ants off my chicken before I ate it. The store where I chumped change (asked for money) they would give it to me instead of throwing it away. Living in a back alley, I lived close to train track on Dixie Highway and several times I sat on them praying for death, strung out and defeated. I was in a relationship with a woman, I erased and retyped that twice because I had typed lesbian/bisexual relationship… where I believed I was going to marry her my love, my life, my wife…we were together for 4 years. I thought never again a man after that guy and some other bad ones. (I have to say as a side note to this. You cannot judge all of any one type of people by a select few good or bad.) I Introduced her to my son, mom, and all my brothers…
One of “my dates” Call it what you will, I had to pay for my addictions. Well sometimes you actually got off the street for days, weeks, or even a month or more. Guys would have you like a paid girlfriend keeping you high. As you cleaned, cooked, and stuff. This one guy Carl is my friend who I mentioned is in prison for life, his house was raided, and we were arrested.
Which was my God and Savior Jesus Christ stopping me from my blaspheme and self destruction.
Jail is where I met my Cuban sister Who was sentenced to 17 days for her 4th Dui. Which right in itself tells you the Lord sent her… because as you all know I was adopted by God, but it was my adoption by a Cuban family that brought this 2 state, tri county felon here to Hialeah. I want you to see that in every situation, in every test and trial it is temporary. This life is temporary. Every choice I made had a consequence. I am suffering some of them now. But I am not that girl. my husband likes to say ” oh you need special shampoo now?”… when I met you you said you did not need anything you could make due with nothing you had been homeless and slept on the ground with no pillow… Why now you need this and that.” It is because I am not that girl anymore. God has transformed her. As I said at the beginning all the slip ups and all the backsliding in the world can not and will not snatch me from His hands. Some times I wanna just float… but I keep swimming up stream. No floating allowed!!! That is why I put on my crowns and tiaras, I am just passing through. Momentary temporary citizen here. Now with all that said It is scary to get vulnerable, but when everyone gets vulnerable together, there are so many more chances to get help and healing. I have experienced this right here with some of you. I was told not to share some of those things with everyone. I was told some people will gossip and not everyone should be told this or that. But I continue to open up. I wear my heart on my sleeve. My problems, heck I even share about masturbation, my past life’s horrors. Some of you I have found also have struggles in the same sorts of things. I found I am not alone, and neither ARE YOU. Some have children who are addicts, some of us have intimacy problems, some gambling, others struggle with lying, cheating on taxes, stealing from work, alcoholism, Saint worship, and Idols of all kinds from money to food. Things that we feel shame about… My house is not up for any better homes and gardens (ok maybe my garden is) pictures, but any of you are welcome anytime. I know you are coming to see me not my house. I will give you a grand tour, as those who have come can tell you. I will make you a greens drink, smoothie, and if i don’t please tell me if you want one. I also make the yummiest coffee in the world starbucks can’t even come close. Heck go in my fridge and get whatever you like. Use my bathroom and make sure you use the fancy towels, that is why I have them for someone as important as you! Because each of you in my eyes are truly wonderful, thoughtful, caring children of my God, our Father, we have an amazing Brother who has covered all our sins and given us new life. I ask you if you have never before please think of Jesus now. No matter where you are, or how you are, or what you think… He wants you to know, do not be ashamed!!! Ask Him to come help you with those things you are ashamed of, maybe things you do not want to do anymore. Maybe things you still want to do. Just have a talk with God, through His son Jesus.
I want you to know I share this all with you with hope, my prayer through all of it is… I want you to trust God and trust others as I have. To find a church where you can go, to share your testimonies. Sometimes we as people disagree, maybe you do not even like each other at the moment, but you are family. Being able to fight, disagree, and get along any way for the sake of your Church. For God’s sake, not back biting, turning gossiping into prayers for the person. God is in the conversations we have but we need to invite Him to guide us with His Holy Spirit to speak life into each other.
Isaiah 54:4-6 “Do not be afraid, for you will not be put to shame; don’t be humiliated, for you will not be disgraced. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and you will no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood. Indeed, your husband is your Maker His name is Yahweh of Hosts and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you, like a wife deserted and wounded in spirit, a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,” says your God.
Well I know I have shared my testimony here before. But at different times it has meant different things and I have learned along the way. I will share it again too I am sure. I believe I let more and more of the old girl show as she slips further and further away from who I am. I do not even recognized her as me. FOR THAT I PRAISE GOD! HE CAN DO ANYTHING AND ALL THINGS!!!
Today is day 265 of this year… we only get 365 … we got 100 left.
What are your plans if Jesus doesn’t come before that?
Are you prepared if Jesus does come?
Leave me a comment, drop me a word, let me know you came. Please that is the only way I know if you read this. How could you read all this and not even say hi…? I just shared my heart, my past my life… ? HI I SEE YOU!!!
.◄°))))►◄◄°))))►◄ ¯ `•.¸¸.◄°))))►◄??GOD‘S GRACE, PEACE, LIGHT, AND LOVE ✞ ✞ ✞
Please Feel free to contact me with any questions. Please add me to your favorites and share my Blog with your friends. Be sure to stop by my shop @ http://www.ebay.com/usr/hi_heelsneaker for some cool things and other fluff and stuff.